A definition always does good. Let’s break down the title: “best pickup lines of all time.” First of all, the word “best” has been misused, and this is qualified by the additive to the title ” – and that’s sarcastic.” Instead, the title should be “worst pickup lines of all time” but then, all pickup lines are terrible and I don’t see where the difference comes between the best and the worst – they’re all pickup lines after all, a fact that is an indication of unbecoming madness. Using pickup lines should actually be named  among the ways to die, be they the best or worst pickup lines there are, for very obvious reasons. Below is a list of the 14 worst (or best) pickup lines ever, and why it’s so, you’ll find out.

14. You look like trash. Can I take you out?

 Okay, it’s unfair to rank this the 14th. This one is so sarcastic, has a double meaning and looks quite offensive. Whoever came up with this had lost all hope of ever getting the lady in subject, if at all he had a chance. However, if you look into this, quite frankly, you’ll see a gleam of hope, given that the addressee will be smart enough to fully comprehend the homor in this.

13. Can you touch my hand? I wanna tell my friends I got touched by an angel.

Angels are religious fantasies found in most religions. However, I conducted research on them and came to find out something – all angels are male – and thanks to this fact, it got this line featured in the list of best pickup lines.

Being male is where the trick lies. An innocent guy might be saying this to an equally innocent human, and the offence in it becomes offensive sooner than later. Referring to a female as an angel is actually a way of saying “you’re so ugly, you look like a man to me” rather than the compliment that everyone thinks it is.

Ironically enough, I once witness a lady who fell for this body, mind and soul.

12. Your body is 75% water. I’m thirsty.

I find this one incredibly stupid, unless the addressee actually needs drinking, this one could go stale very easily:

Your body is 96% [siht] and I have [siht]-repellent.

Best pickup lines – worst pickup lines

How it feels to get such a response

I don’t know how this could be countered again if it happens to be the response given. Sometimes people overlook the greatest traps because of blind fascination. Personally, I would first make sure the person is stupid enough not to look for such a counter-line, but there’s no way to do this, so I wouldn’t use it, and even then, I find pickup lines quite stupid, even the best pickup lines, so even with the most fool-proof pickup line out there, I would still go for my little piece of brain. 😉

11. Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.

Honesty is the terrible virtue that is getting conveyed. Alright I agree every bit that I’m not a prophet, but I don’t see it working. For one, what happens when she finds out you’ve been telling stories of unknown happenings between you and her (assuming you’re the man)? Or if you’re the lady, doesn’t this send some disgusting notions about the person in subject?

She’s going to be extremely happy and therefore say yes and you’ll go have fun. 😂. I’m sure.

10. I’m not actually this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.

Best pickup lines – worst pickup lines #1

Sitting on a wallet

This one is not a pickup line. It’s a badly phrased show of absolute dumbness that both God and Devil will condemn. To me, this looks like a person trying to brag of how much money he has – and “trying”  is the keyword here. The world’s richest individuals have never been photographed with money in their hands, pockets or wallets.

Okay yes, I suppose anyone would obviously be with me in criticizing this. I don’t need to elaborate this thing too far, it’s obvious that the id10t who wanted to use this thing has already learnt a lesson.

9. Congratulations! You’ve been voted “Most Beautiful Girl In This Room” and the grand prize is a night with me!

Smart one. However, the grand prize is the part of it that makes her feel like saying “I wasn’t a participant. I know my beauty is out of this world, so I shouldn’t be ranked with the locals.” Which might get the guy to say “I’m sorry for the confusion lady, but by the ‘room,’ I meant the universe. You know, the internet makes the world a small village (and in turn the universe) which can easily be turned into a room.”

Okay, not to make up a conversation between two virtual living things, I would rather vote this one of the best pickup lines (for the smart) which can very easily become the worst in the case of being used by person with some little dust for a brain. Believe me, the dust will remain dust. Big bang is not happening again. At least not in a head somewhere.

8. Be unique and different; say yes.

Okay, I see a line made out of desperation, which has bullied its way to bottom of the worst pickup lines ever thought of by humanity and its assistants, then even found its way into the list of the best pickup lines ever at Six Critics, and at an eighth position to make matters worst.

If you looked carefully at this statement, you’ll realize why I relate it to desperation. By saying “yes,” the person is being unique and different, which directly means that no one ever said “yes” to this particular person before, which might mean a few undesirable traits that no one – no one but no one – wants to be associated with. This is practically the best way of saying “no one ever fell for me before. If you want to fall for me, proceed with caution.

7. Do you mind if I stare at you up close, instead of from across the room?

Honesty here is key once again, only that it’s from a pickup line. Let’s say the person just thought it in their head. This would easily get the addressee to blush 😳 and chances are, this might work. However, there a problem.

If not brought out correctly, it might look like a subtle way of begging and this would not do so good for a reputation of the person addressing, and neither would this do any good for the original intention of approaching the person.

6. Nice legs; what time do they open?

Any time you are not around.

5. The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go into the room and spread the word.

Smart but vulnerable. The word could literally be spread. Or the word of the day might be changed to balls, or, worse still, the person could realize that you’re trying to be stupid. I’d vote 10 times to make sure this is nominated  one of the worst pickup lines hands down.

4. Breathe if you’re horny. That’s right. Let’s go to my room.

That’s not fair. You’re setting a game that you must win. I somehow get to agree with the correct usage of this one. Mark correct usage. If you might think there couldn’t be a moment it can be misused, then let me give you an example of a perfect incorrect usage: the scenario described above.

If you have to force something on someone, it could be anything but sensitive. Say, something like buying an ice cream would work perfectly in this case, but “horny” and “let’s go to my room”… no way these will ever work. For the simple fact that, in as much as the human brain is not getting any better, there’s certainly a tinge of “stupidity detector” left that will force them to turn down your little dirty game.

3. I’m a previous convicted rapist. Wanna hang out with me?

Hell no! (Obviously)

Okay. Lemme just rape you here. I just thought you’d like it in a more private location.

And that… that’s the best way to freak the hell out of the ugly one.

#2.9 to #2.0 have been omitted for security purposes.

1. You have a phone number and I have a phone book. Think of the possibilities.

Best pickup lines – worst pickup lines #3

All hail the king.

All hail this one 🙌 under one condition: that the person being addressed is smart enough to get the perspective of the thing, which is the only thing that is important. Also, make sure the person didn’t read this article to have found out that these could be used. You may find yourself in capital [siht] upon being found out that your brain is just as good as empty, were it not for the Six Critics article on best pickup lines.

Bonus

0. I made a pickup line. Actually, it’s one of the best pickup lines. I was coming to use it on you but then, you made me forget.

-1. Got a name? Or can I just call you mine?

-1.8. I didn’t know you exist. I wouldn’t have attempted to commit suicide.

-1.9. Google.