I’m confused. I have no idea where to begin this because there is just too much justification to do with so much evidence, that being good not only sucks, but is something you have been constantly warned against. For example, Martin Luther King died of trying to be good, so did Dedan Kimathi as well as some character from a certain religion known as Jesus. The list is endless and I can count on them all, including a hip-hop star 3-Pac who died due to lack of skill on how to be bad. By your arrival on this post, you acknowledge that you are bored of being good, being used and want to start being the bad one and use people 😈.
However, being bad comes at a price and you might have to bear that. Like many other before you, you will reach the ultimate goal on being that badass you ever dreamt to – where “many others” means nobody. This is to say that being bad is not as easy as it might seem, especially if you are that kind that will do anything to have Justin Beiber in the playlist. Actually, dumping Justin Beiber is the first step to being bad and I guess you might already have failed. Maybe you don’t even want to read any further than here because your icon has a terrible reputation before the universe and happens to be the reason why ETs have been planning to destroy mankind.
And that… that was how I got out of the confusion that I had at the beginning. I have successfully introduced the need of being bad and now, here is how to be bad. But before then, let me make a definition, or rather a disambiguation. Being “bad” here does not refer to such terms as “how to be bad in bed”, ” how to be an [sashole]”, “how to be a dictator” or “how to die.” This is rather a general outline of how the disgustingly horriforying people made it to the top of the hate list. Also, this is not a guide on how to be hated. And, as a misuse, this course may be used for coaching amateurs on how to be bad. So, when I used the phrase “here is how to be bad,” this is what I meant:
I am bad and that’s good. I will never be good and that’s not bad
Your time is yours
If you really once dreamt of being bad, then you’d probably have had this in mind already. You do not need to do anything – absolutely anything – unless it is wasting your time for your own destruction. Yes, your own destruction. If you base your decisions on how to use your time on people’s requests, then you’re the good person and being bad would forever remain the dream that it has always been. You need to be very considerate of others if you want to remain good.
Being bad comes with a price as I said already. When you use your time to construct or destruct yourself and you happen to be a boring person, you sure will get bored by yourself and would like to try out new people. This is quite a lie and will lead you nowhere but to a premature rehabilitation towards the sucking goodness you just left. As a matter of fact, being bored by yourself is way more manageable than being bored by others. But here’s a bonus: if others bore you, remember this post and apply everything herein.
Let’s get everything right. If you seek to be a bad person, then selfishness is not an option. It’s a mandatory requirement. In fact, bad people take selfishness to the next level altogether. As you seek how to be bad, then here it is. You need to stop giving a damn about anything or anyone, and that includes yourself – obviously. All you need to do is laze around and remember you’re not a soldier to take commands from people. Laze around idly until you get bored by yourself and when you are about to die of it, move on to the next step in this guide. But there’s a problem. Lazing around is a long tedious and very boring process that not anyone can undertake. Most people eventually die in the process of getting bored by themselves, in which they should fix by pretending someone else was boring them and therefore should have them to blame.
Abstract attributes make up the first stepping stone towards unlimited badness, which is why I listed the two most important attributes there are as everything else will automatically put itself in place. Thus, after that, you should now be able to physically orient yourself for your new course of action: learning and practicing how to be bad.
Get a Poop Tattoo – on Your Face
Quite frankly, I messed up this post. For one, I should have started with this. But then, I actually posted it and here you are reading it, which is why I strongly suggest that you take two seconds to first congratulate me before reading any further.
That aside, one thing you should know in this course is that tattooss are the slogan, the one thing that stands out in each and every successful bad person. Once you decide to be bad, you need to get a few tattoos on your arm, on your head, on your eye balls, [sas], tongue, intestines and mostly on your face. This will prove your worth in horrific badness. When you get this done, remember that the degree of badness depends on the content of the tattoo. The “baddest” of tattoos is the one with poop.
Why, you thought I would say a scorpion or tiger? As human, you should not compare animals to be better than humans, which is why you should draw your own discretion on yourself. Poop is the max of horrible things that humans possess and when you hunt for success anywhere, going for the absolute max is not negotiatable. Take Guy Fawkes for example. When he aimed to produce an anonymity mask, he not only produced something that he had no idea that it would later be used by ladies to impersonate owners of [dciks], but also used by top musicians to hide poop tattoos on their faces.
Read on Way to Be Good: This is not How to be Bad
And here I’m not being sarcastic or anything close to a badly placed joke. I’m dead serious, if death is the most serious thing there is. For one, you don’t always read on how to be good for the sake of being good. Maybe you’re not even reading this post so that you become the “baddest.” But then, not to contradict, you need to read on how to be good, so that you know exactly what not to do while you’re being bad. Whatever you find there is the thing you should keep off it like a plague. Keep your distance.
And when all is said and done, we shall come back to hail you, the baddest of the baddest.