DISCLAIMER / SPOILER: This post is not racist against aliens or humans of some culture. Maybe it is racist against a certain individual whose identity I prefer my discretion.
Zanal Bastard is the name given to an Andromeda-born alien – often dubbed female but is actually of no gender – that God brought upon earth as a form of punishment to accomplish the 297th phase in the eventual fall of mankind. Zanal is an unkind being who usually arrives in the middle of the night with knives to castrate manly goodies to use in preparation of breakfast the following morning.
Those who actually know Zanal describe her (or it) as a creature with a zigzag anal canal, hence Z-anal. This characteristic makes her invulnerable to human hunting, which usually ends up in brutal breaking of the male genitalia. Actually, saving all descriptive contradiction, here is Zanal:
Pretty plain. She’s taking a selfie. Here are her visible characteristics:
1. She is in black
This is why I’m actually writing about her. First of all, black is the an outward show of peace, love and happiness. Black is the representative of total domination of universal togetherness. Black is the absence of every tone and hue, the absence of any stains. Black is pure. Being a Major Critic, you may be tempted to think that I’m being sarcastic. Get over that temptation little one. Whoever told you these are the characteristics of “white” is the one responsible for your being brain-washed. You need to find this person this instance and avenge your loss.
2.1 You can never see her skin
Unless you are me, or you are a secret NASA employee whose only job is to violate people’s privacy – you wouldn’t see beyond the clothes, even with X-ray. Zanal’s skin is hidden under 2347 layers of blankets, sacks, dust, lungs, male genitals, bullet proof jacket parts, bullets and atomic bombs. Once again, be reminded that you can never touch her skin, so you stand zero chances of proving me right – or wrong, except, of course, if you are me, a schupid NASA slaves, herself, her mum in childhood, the guy who raped her at age 3, her mirror or the secret guy she dreams of, her guilty pleasure.
Well, long story short, viewing from the picture, it is clear that her skin is protected by intergalactic governments as well as having an infinite money insurance. If you ever come across Zanal, keep off from her skin. Save yourself some unnecessary detonation. Save your lungs, keep off at all costs! Just her skin though.
2.6 Let’s zoom a little closer
As a normal brainwashed human that you probably are, you’d say you see a camera. As Major, I see the fall of mankind. See the rectangular white area on the left side of the “camera”? That is a piece of stray Zanal’s occasional mistimed letting. Yes, you heard me. She is a drooling alien, lucky enough not to earn herself the title of a drooling idiots that human beings usually adapt once they fall in love.😤 Such a disaster!
Anyway, moving a little right from the area where she salivated for no reason rather than seeing the “camera” in front of her, there are more interesting structures. There is a huge thing just past the center that looks like the lens. Do not be fooled by her ingenious twist: this is nothing but the remote activation button of the atomic bomb hidden 3 feet below the white house. You guessed it right, the stability-instability of your country is at the mercy of a button click away from her. 😜
However, important things first, appreciate her, for the bomb she holds defines whether you will breath in next after this exhalation. And the fact that you’re reading this sentence is a show that, yet again, for another second, she’s been able to convince herself that your nonsense can be entertained for a little longer.
2.6.3 Even Closer
Whatever you see, not only does it show how Zanal is the fall of mankind, but also the ultimate fall of mankind’s wives, children, camels, genitalia and bank accounts. Zanal will make sure they all go down in one huge vomit, no mercy be given upon any creature that crawls upon the face of the earth. But then, look again at the picture.
Thanks to the Six Critics’ electron microscope plant, we have been able to unearth idiopathic writings on this piece of bomb remote. Here is what it says, in case you are like Zanal, who needs a combination of infrared-powered x342 lenses in order to be able to see ordinary writings: “I’m and idiot! ☹”
When I see this thing, not only do I see an actual idiot, by the way it is written, but also do I see the real Zanal that hides behind those veils. I actually expected to see a ninja. Not only do those veils hide her body, but also her actions, speech, behavior and freedom. However, I was relieved to see that I feared nothing in the end.
Truth be told, in as much as Zanal is the fall of mankind, she’s actually a drooling idiot. She craves for money, love and attention. This is the reason why her brain has had to be zoomed out to size of her writings: nothing. I would gladly call her a chicken, but that would be a compliment she cannot afford to bear and would therefore detonate the bomb out of happiness.
39. Her Second Name is Bastard
And this is yet another compliment, if you ask me. She rarely plans two seconds ahead, which is why she’s been able to afford to perform impossibly stupid actions, such as dating humans, among other idiotic actions that people cannot imagine. Other than these, it is easy to tell that she really deserves her second name. For example, if you look her from behind, this 👇 is what you are likely to see:
I guess you could guess she was just another profaned invention of the country whose flag she now flaunts on her empty head. She’s no longer the Zanal in the black I praised, she has white and some other unrecognized shades and hues. She’s no longer pure. Zalan, however, remains the fall of mankind. She’s the reason man will never settle because he would always be afraid for his genital. Zalan is a modern intergalactic terrorist who would stop at nothing to make sure your bank account is as empty as possible, given that you will never get the chance to realize how ugly how face truly is, since it is always hidden behind those veils.
Conclusion is simple: in as much as you may conclude she’s the fall of mankind, mankind is really the fall of mankind. Mankind entertains the presence of bombs in public, as long as they belong to Zanal. Mankind wants Zanal to do whatever satisfies her. Mankind has no say against her, but has every say against itself? ❓ Who is questionable here, mankind or Zalan? She was born a bastard, is it now her fault that she’s showing it? May all mankind live long enough to know the implications of Z-anal.